Thursday, 3 December 2009

Santa, Northpole

Dear Santa

I know that this Christmas letter is a little late cause the organised mothers would have sent this by the first week of November but I am a totally disorganised mother and this is why I am pleading begging writing to you.

Can you please send a team of your elves who work in your toy workshop round to my house so that they can help me with the following:

  1. Find the floor of my children’s bed rooms
  2. Do the house work that I am so behind with
  3. Help me to clean up the house and put everything away in an organised manner so I can find things when I am looking for them.
  4. Select, shop or make and then wrap the Christmas presents
  5. Make the Christmas cake and plum pudding that I normally do in the October half term and did not get to do because I was too ill and could not be sodding bothered. I could not stand up so how could I go shopping for the required ingredients give me a break I am not Delia Smith.
  6. Help me with an attitude change or some magic button I could press or tablet I could take which will actually put me in the Christmas mood cause at the moment I am giving the Grinch and Ebenezer Scrooge a run for their money in the Bah humbug stakes.
  7. Find the Christmas ornaments so we can put our tree up on Xmas Eve. See I am a little bit of traditionalist and I do maintain the 12 days of Christmas but at this stage if I can find the ornaments I am certainly not going shopping for more. I am too broke and I would rather buy yarn. I could decorate the tree with some of my stash that is an idea. Thanks I think I will uses that if push comes to shove.
  8. Give me enough breathing room so I can actually retain some of brain functions and not keep losing personal items such as car keys, work passes, purses, eye glasses and diary.
    With the diary please see item b and c as the hunt for that made the mess in the house even worse. You would think the local customs and excise inspectors had been in tossing the joint. Nope it was me searching for the diary without which I was totally confused for about three days. My family was ready to exile me to the dog house outside it was that bad.
  9. Can we have some peace in our world but I would settle for some calm in our household were we are not lurching from one crisis to another.

If you could help with the above requests I would be most grateful and my family might actually survive the Christmas season with a reasonably sane mother instead of this head swivelling freak who looks like Chucky on a good day. I know that if I continue the way I am going I have a good chance of being an inpatient behind the wall at the local maximum security psychiatric hospital so can really please help with item f.

A good start would be finding one of the four cameras that you have given as gifts to members of this household in the last couple of years so I can use it and therefore update my projects in ravelry and the different blogs I have.

Bah humbug

Kotaatok