The Black Dog

Like many individuals I suffer from the black dog also known as depression and anxiety.  It  might surprise some people who have met me in person that I have to deal with mutt.  My black dog comes from a number issues such as PTSD and SAD.  The Seasonal Affective Disorder was a problem in the tropics but when I moved further into a temperate climate it became more of a problem. I am one of these people who need sunshine to be sunny. 

Since the summer I have been in a downward spiral which I tried to ignore how bad I was getting as I was being pigheaded about needing to be medicated again.  I don't like medication I hate medication so I try to use exercise and light to help.  I was being pig headed about needing to be medicated so early in the season.  Normally I can get to January before getting to the point of Ok it is time for Meds. But not this year. In January I can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel with the count down to spring. 

This time the DH organised (cajoled, strongly suggested, frog marched) me into making an appointment and seeing the doctor.  Yeap I really like scoring so high on the depression index (24/28) So it is back on the meds and hopefully we will start to see an improvement in about four weeks when the meds finally start to kick in.

Clear there is a heart beat ! MARK 2

After thinking that I was getting better I managed to get my arse bit.  So after 9 months in a bed I have started to get back.  OMG I have not done any knitting or fibre stuff since Nov 2011 and it almost Nov 2012.  Long story short - developed another label. New label clashes with existing hyper mobility syndrome fibromyalgia and everything else wrong with this lemon of a body.  White Coat Quacks finally worked out a solution medicine wise and I am the mend slowly.

Have had to restart my first year of my degree but I am so happy that I have some of a clue of what is going on while I am working on developing my strength and endurance.  I have become the absolute queen of the Granny Nap and I am still getting confused about days and times.  The meds at one stage created some short term memory issues but we are working on addressing that and it appears that the new meds are not so bad.  I have driven the car for the first time in over 11 months last week and am slowly getting the driver confidence back.  That first trip on the Motorway was a white knuckle ride.

Life has changed yet again for me.  My working life has undergone a radical change and now I am a full time student.  It was a scary move last week when I returned to the university classroom after being a invalid for so long.  So now I am starting a new journey and attempting to find my balance amongst the circumstances of my existance.

Thanks for all those who have sent get well messages and where are you pokes. It has helped in the long term recovery.  I might not have been here without you all and I am so glad I am now able to say thank you.


Best wishes and I hope I get back into the swing of posting with the wardrobe change for the blog.