Sunday, 15 May 2011

A good form of insomnia

Life has been insanely busy the last couple of weeks but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. In my case I still have a couple of weeks looking down the tunnel but I am getting nearer and the light is getting brighter.

The last 6 months were just the cherry on top of a couple tough years health wise. I had the shock of being told you have Cancer and additional new auto-immune issues during the Xmas break, real nice pressies. This body is a bit of a lemon but I don't think I would have it any other way. I have survived the skin cancer treatment so far and it seems to be going well. I am scheduled for more testing but we will take each day as it comes. The lessons of the last 6 months have just reinforced the other lessons that others have taught me through out my life, mainly that you should live each day to the fullest and never live in limbo by waiting for a "someday" or a "one day".

Initially I was not that open about what was going on with the cancer diagnosis at work. I had to sort out my head a bit and I really could not contemplate the parsimonious pity or fake sympathy of certain colleagues who I really can not stand. Some of my colleagues are hypocritical idjiots and that is me being nice about them. I am known for being blunt unit with my habit of calling a spade a spade. My option about keeping the skin issues to myself (and line manager) at work lasted a while but then I started to have rather large lesions on the face. Those who had to guts to ask what was going on got told the truth. Those who did not ask, continued to gossip behind hands which made it pretty damn obvious. You can not hide that something is up when the face looks like full zombie horror movie make up on Halloween.

As part of the treatment kicked my butt I moved to part time roster at work. During that time, between the granny naps, I reviewed the state of play of my industry sector and the long term implications of further degeneration from auto immunity issues. I tend to have lots of plans I normally have a plan A, B, C & D for most days so I developed an action plan for the future for me that had the flexibility to my health needs and issues, desires and family commitments. I did some research, some thinking and some serious discussion with the dearly beloved. So by the 25th of March I had a action plan in motion so I can be "the master of my fate, the captain of my soul".

With the new grand master plan, I ran into some extended family disapproval.  "My head is bloody, but unbowed." For a little while I was upset but not for long as I have always had a stubbornness where I walk in my own direction. In the mist of the chaos of the annual end of semester and academic year this week I got my letter confirming my admission, my student support application and an appointment notice of my disability occupational health needs assessment. Like all changes it is a little scary but I can see some calm after the storm and I am excited about what the future may bring. That is why I am not sleeping so well and doing blog posts at 4am in the morning.